I pray a lot, and a lot of the time I don’t even remember the things that I ask of God. There is one prayer that I do remember making. I think I learned this at church, where I frequent about 3 times a week. I was told to ask God for divine relationships, to ask for the people that He would want in my life. I prayed and still pray this prayer often. 

I am not surprized that after this prayer I magically see people disappearing from around me and new people entering as aquaintances. God answers prayer and He knows what you need. I used to suffer from a strong desire to be everyone’s friend. A strong desire to be loved by humans. God is healing me from this addiction as I learn that many people are set against Him, and that I should desire to be in His will and obedience and not desire to be loved by the world.

This does not mean that I do not try to love (as defined in 1 Corinthians 13) others. I am pretty forgiving and welcoming to people from all walks of life. I would pray for God to forgive the devil (were he to truly have godly repentance) simply because I understand that I fall short of the glory of God and need His forgiveness as well. I think this is pretty liberal of me, but I love mercy.

Many people look at the speck in people’s eye when there is a log in their own. I try not to sin in this way. My mother always told me this whenever I was critical of another person. What does it mean? I think it has to do with checking yourself. Before you decide to turn away from another person because of their “ungodliness” make sure that you yourself are being obedient to God. Are you critical about another person when you yourself are a gossip? A liar? An adulterer? Are dripping with lust? Many people, especially Christians, choose to leave a group or person because the people they are surrounding themselves with are struggling in their spiritual lives or they are not the cookie cutter version of what a Christian should be in their eyes. 

Jesus once said that the person without sin should cast the first stone against someone that was caught sinning.This could have been an isolated event and recommendation, but taken with the rest of scripture it is consistent with the theme of forgiveness and understanding of who people are in relationship to God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. You are a sinner and the people around you are sinners as well. Some are covered in the blood of Christ and the penalty of eternal separation from God will pass over them, others will not be so lucky. The hope is that more people will turn towards God and accept Christ and be forgiven. We should not be quick to stone or punnish a sinner, we should be ready to accept who we are in relationship to God and to help them reach repentence and grow in love, consistent with our calling in Christ.  

Honestly, if a person claims to be a believer but judges others and lacks empathy I have no problem with God taking them out of my life. It will only be a matter of time before they judge me and exude their toxicity into my spiritual life. It is one of my major pet peeves. I accept people where they are. I hope God puts people in my life that can do that as well. 

1. To become a better person. 

2. To learn about God.

3. To worship.

4. To fellowship.

5. To remind myself that this life will pass away. That in the end the only things that matter are the things that bring glory to God.

6. To pray.

7. To see friends.

8. To find ways to work for God.

9. To understand my purpose.

10. To be obedient in congregating.

“Love songs always make me think of Jesus.” 

I once told this to an ex-boyfriend, who quickly responded with, “Great, but why don’t they make you think of me?” 

Initially, I felt guilty about this, mainly because I didn’t think of my SO at the time when I heard love songs - and his comment made me feel like I should. At that period of my life I was more concerned with understanding God and thinking about him than I was with nurturing a mental obsession with a man. To this day I am not sure whether I should have entertained his request, trying to focus more on an earthly relationship and less on the one I had with God, my first love.

I view my time on earth as limited and valuable. If I am doing one thing it is because I am not doing something else. It does not take a rocket scientist to know that how you spend your time is important, especially to who you are becoming. Adam and Eve chose to spend their time disobeying God, and look where it got humanity. Paul was obedient to God and he got his sight back and became one of the greatest of the apostles, writing an impressing amount of the New Testament. Choices, how you spend your time, matters.  

Also, where your mind is matters. I play video games. I read scripture. I read spiritual books. Surprisingly, these activities get united in strange ways. Sometimes when I am playing a video game I will be reminded of some Christian principle, reinforcing elements of the faith and refocusing my attention on God in unexpected ways. Same thing can happen with movies, television shows, words spoken by a friend. 

  I guess my life is a little like those books you find in the philosophy section of Barnes and Noble concerned with finding God in things completely unrelated and not written or produced for that purpose. Maybe it is God’s way of calling me to understand Him when I am distracted by something else, reminding me that He is always there even when my mind is not set on acknowledging Him. 

One of the things I have always struggled with in my spiritual life is battling between my will and the will of God. Perhaps this issue could be better described as issues with knowing what is coming from the sinful nature and what is coming from the spirit. Reason dictates that if there is a supreme being overseeing the world in which you live - omnipresent, omniscient, all powerful - you would not want to be on his bad side. Even a desire for something against the will of God, mainly sin, could lead to your demise if not some form of punishment or correction one might not find pleasant. Perhaps my point is better described in a quote:   

“Sixthly: perhaps what you think would be your gain might prove your loss, as happened to Saul when he was made king. In short, sisters, there are other reasons besides these; believe me, it is safer to wish only what God wishes, Who knows us better than we know ourselves and Who loves us. Let us place ourselves entirely in His hands so that his will may be done in us; we can never go astray if our will is ever firmly fixed on this.” - St. Teresa of Avila, The Interior Castle, The Sixth mansion, Chapter 9. 

“It is safer to wish only what God wishes.” I can see the truth in this, but does this mean that we are not to ask God for anything? Of course not. God is sometimes gracious to his servants and grants them what they ask. However, it may be better to seek his will rather than try to press ours. Even in innocence Jesus submitted to the will of God and was crucified. We need to take up our cross - take up what God has willed for our lives- as an act of submission to the will of God. 

Understanding His will is a question I still ponder.